hi, i'm caroline ho
a Chinese American animation student from the Bay Area, California. Currently studying in New York.
I think a lot, maybe too much. I live mostly in my mind as an incorporeal consciousness always trying to manifest itself into a digestible form. To me, this is what storytelling is. It’s putting yourself on the table and carefully dissecting piece by piece––personality, memories, things you hate or things you like––all that you don’t quite understand. The story is not about you at all and yet the process reveals insight. As such, fantasy is a necessity for me for it provides the most epiphany. I’m a philosophical being so I must build all the rules from the ground up. To understand everything except for who I am. It just so happens that my method is through drawing by hand.
If the self was an endless well, the source of life birthed from my brain cells, why try to reach the bottom? I am just the beginning, but I seek a different end. There are still stories that don’t quite exist yet in mainstream animation that would’ve really helped a younger me. Something that would’ve made them proud to be Chinese American or just happy to be alive purely for the sake of indulging in a fleeting obsession because it spoke to them. A story tailored for a kid from Silicon Valley who lives eternally in fight or flight, every moment with life or death. Believing they do not deserve to rest until a debt is paid and have prepared their grave. A story that doesn’t try to say “Everything will be okay” but instead taunts, “Don’t you want to see what happens next?
You know you can’t die yet.”